Communication Styles

Our differences are what make us special, and one of the biggest differences is in how people communicate. Some people like to talk out every point and every moment. Others may like to sit in silence and think about things before they react. There are also so many other options that can help define how people communicate. But what do you do when you meet someone new, and you have a conflict? How do you communicate in a way that works for the other person? If you have ever had these sort of questions, that’s what we’re here for! Let’s get into it 

Part 1) Explain yourself! 

I know this sounds weird, but hear me out (or in this case, read the words) before you judge. When you’re getting into a relationship, there are a lot of things to discuss with a person. Things like your favorite movie (Ocean’s 11 for me), your favorite show ever (Supernatural), among so many other things. But one thing that we think doesn’t get talked about enough is how people handle conflict. So if you’re in a new relationship with someone, you should probably come out and ask, “If there’s something I’m upset about, how should I talk to you about it?” It sounds a little out there, but when it comes to someone’s feelings, this is a time to listen. Here are some ways people might express themselves, keep mind this is not all the ways but just a couple. 

• Verbal vs. Non-Verbal Some people express themselves best through speaking, while others rely more heavily on body language, facial expressions, or other gestures

• Direct vs. Indirect Some people say exactly what they mean with no filter, while others hint, imply, or soften their message. 

• Emotional vs. Logical Some people lead with feelings when communicating, while others prefer facts and solutions first. 

• High vs. Low Context Some people need a lot of background detail to feel comfortable in a conversation, while others prefer getting straight to the point.

Now, another thing to note is that people may not come out directly and say “I like to be logical” or “I like to be direct,” but how they explain themselves may give you hints as to their communication styles. If they say something like “oh, I prefer you don’t beat around the bush,” they might be a direct style of communication, or if they say they really like to “talk it out” and “look at things from all angles,” they might have a High Context style of communication. Your job when you have that conversation about how you should talk them is not to define, but just to listen and store that information away so when you do have a conflict or something you’re upset about you can talk to them in a way they’re most likely to listen. 

Part 2) Do or do not, there is no try- Yoda

Now you know their style, but what do you do with that information? As you read this next part say it out loud 

“We listen and we don’t judge” 

Your job isn’t to try to change your partner; their style of communication is part of who they are and why you like them. You should hear that information and how they prefer to be talked to and work to implement that when you have a conflict. It’ll go a long way because you’re doing the most important thing you can do in a relationship: you’re showing that you care. 

Part 3) Don’t forget about yourself! 

Just like it says, when you have that conversation with your partner about how you should treat them, they should also know about how they should treat you. You should tell your partner about how you like to be treated when you have a conflict, a relationship can’t only be a one-way street

We’ll be talking about this subject and many more all throughout this Autism Acceptance Month

Uneepi